Ahhh! I meant to write before this. To make sure the memories and thoughts got out there in the interwebs. But here we are. Two weeks ago I was laying in a hospital bed, bored and excited and waiting for my water to break. Tonight little dude is laying next to me on the couch with his hands up in super man pose (one of his favorites). I thought babies liked to be scrunched up. Not this one. He likes being streeeetched out.
So, because I can’t remember everything from the past two weeks I am going to try to get snippets of thoughts, good times, bad times, and all that. Here we go!
The hospital was hard. Everyone was perfectly lovely but I was never so ready to leave any place ever. We were interrupted every 2 hours by a nurse or doctor coming to poke and prod at Henry or me. Sleeping was difficult for that reason, plus getting used to Henry. We did send him to the nursery over night while we were there to try and get some sleep. I don’t feel guilty about that and hope that everyone would take advantage of that service. Being away from friends and family during this time was hard. Most people are flooded by visitors. We only had visitors once (and it was amazing and I was starved for conversation with people and they brought pizza and GIANT AMAZING cupcakes). That was hard in a different way. We longed for distractions from time and feedings and being tired. Needless to say, when Wednesday rolled around we rejoiced in it being time to go home.
Home was amazing. We were in our own space getting to know Henry. We got to be the three of us for a day before my mom arrived. Having her here was both helpful and challenging. She cooked and watched Henry so we could rest and shower, but it was difficult navigating being a family of three when a fourth person was around. And that isn’t just about my mom, it would be about anyone. In the end, though, I am so thankful she could be with us for a week and get to know Henry. I know it is hard on her to be far away from him. We look forward to this next week of us time before welcoming Allen’s mom on Friday.
- Henry’s fake smiles are amazing. They make my heart swoon. SWOON. I tell you. I don’t use that word lightly.
- Allen giggling and laughing, sometimes hysterically, at Henry’s startles and sounds. I adore the way he handles Henry. I could watch the two of them interact for hours.
- Watching Henry grow and change already. He’s already not the same baby we brought home.
- I am thankful that Henry is a pretty quiet and chill baby, for the most part (to be addressed in the next section a little more…).
- Henry sleeps well in the cradle!
- Baby hiccups (I used to feel those inside me!).
- Dog walks with baby and husband.
- Healing fast and well.
- Breastfeeding going amazingly well. I feel very lucky. Henry and I took to breastfeeding ridiculously easily. This is not to say I haven’t had a sore nipple or that I haven’t woken up in a puddle (PUDDLE!) of milk despite having pads on, but Henry knows what his job is and he does it well.
- THIS FACE:
- Baby snuggles. Lots and lots of baby snuggles. Even when they happen at 1am and 3am and 5am and all hours in between.
- Being a mom is awesome.
- Friends and family who keep telling me everything is going to be okay. Who let me vent. Who say they did and thought the same things. Who understand. Who listen. Who are there via text and phone and e-mail and facebook and in person. I would lose my mind without you. I really really would.
- Quite alert time. When Henry is awake and interacting (sort of… in his unfocused not really knowing what is going on kind of way). Like this:
And the low points!
- Being a mom is exhausting and stressful and worrisome and full of feels. Some good some not good.
- I have never been so tired.
- I cry because I am so tired and can’t handle small missteps.
- Allen and I accidentally baked Henry. We both wanted to die. It was a 60 a degree day and we drove to Olathe to pick up a pack n’ play and go to Sam’s club. We left the fluffy soft car seat inset in and had him in a hat and socks but a short sleeved onsie. When I pulled him out at Sam’s Club to change and feed him the little guy was SOAKED. Front to back. I felt like child protective services was going to sweep in and take him away from us. I am not sure i have ever felt more guilty and upset with myself about anything else before. We survived. Henry survived. Especially after he went naked and we took out the inset.
- I am now uber paranoid about Henry’s temperature. Turns out he is actually a warm baby. He sweats easily (even before the baking incident). I keep trying to cover him up because… babies like to be in blankets! That is what I have been taught! But, he just needs to be naked with one thin blanket and he is good to go. I have to keep remembering that.
- Not sleeping. Getting up every 2-3 hours for 30-40 minute periods. I keep thinking I must be taking way too long to feed him. But he eats for 15 minutes at a time, needs to be burped, he needs his diaper changed, and then he needs to be reclothed and swaddled. And many times he pees on himself so that the pajamas he was wearing need to be changed.
- The first three nights when he did not want to sleep in his cradle (who would after sleeping in arms and on chests and in snuggly swings?!?!) and I thought I really would never sleep again, even for 20 minutes.
- The night he peed through two pairs of pajamas and 3 diapers before any of those items had been fully secured to his body.
- Last night when he exploding pooped all over me, the changing table, and the floor (small victory – I did not cry! And this was at 2am!). I took it all in stride, cleaned him up, and got him fed. I did have to dive into (for the first time) the notes that I was given from a baby shower to read when I was in need at moments just like that. The first note was from Allen’s cousin Alyssa and it was perfect and helpful and we are not alone even in the middle of the night.
- Henry is a little gassy but it gets backed up so he gets uncomfortable and sometimes he just cries and cries after being fed because we can’t get it out. We are trying a bunch of different holds and learning how to help him effectively. Combo of gas drops and the colic hold (reverse football hold) seem to be helping.
- Feeling like you do not know a single thing and you have to know things to take care of a tiny human being. Most of the time it feels awesome taking care of and holding him, but sometimes I feel helpless and incompetent and I cry. And Allen is there to make me feel better and take Henry out of my arms and make me feel like I can do another day.
- Being away from work and people. I already miss daily interactions and using my brain to solve problems like I do at work. I always knew I would want to go back, so this is not really a surprise to me. However, I am very thankful for this time with Henry and it will break my heart the day we have to part and he has to go to daycare. Can’t I bring him with me to work? That would really be the ideal solution.
There is so so so much more… but I don’t have the memory or the time or the energy to get it out. We are all happy and healthy and that is what matters at the end of the day. Allen goes back to the office tomorrow and it is Henry and I on our own (for at least a half day). I am excited and nervous to be on our own.
Baby’s first Casbah outing! Everyone needs burgers and fries. And beer.
Put your hands up!