The pictures didn’t post in the last entry, though I loaded them. Oh well, we’ll do them here!
I want to start this post with a memory from yesterday. Something that I want to keep in my mind for all times. Something that I will cling to when I’m frustrated with Henry or frustrated with Allen. Because it is moments like the one from yesterday that make this new life totally worth it.
Henry alerted us to his needs at 6:45am. This is pretty typical of the little man. My alarm is set for 6:45am, so if Henry doesn’t get me up my phone does. I went and grabbed him, said my good mornings, gazed at his growing smile, and walked him into our room where Allen was still trying to sleep to feed him. This is also all pretty typical. What isn’t typical is that after I fed Henry he was still exceptionally sleepy. He fell asleep while being burped, cuddled up under my chin, snoring away. Then Allen snuggled in on the other side. There we sat, the three of us. Quiet. Content. Happy to be together. And that simple quiet mundane moment, I’d like to live in it forever.
It’s moments like that that get me through the naps where Henry cries every 15 minutes and on the 6th time I march into his room I am little rough putting a pacifier in his mouth or pick him up too abruptly. In those moments, the moments that aren’t my best, that I remember how much I love that tiny human and that he can’t tell me why he is crying and having trouble sleeping (though part of me is beginning to suspect that we are totally being played… can’t wait to talk to the pediatrician about it at his 4 month appointment in 4 days).Because not all moments are great, and it is important to say that. I do get annoyed by parents who only talk about the amazing joyful parents of parenting. They are certainly amazing. But I think it is equally important to talk about, at least ACKNOWLEDGE the tough parts. I believe that parents are made in those tough moments. It is easy to be with your child when he is smiling and learning to role over and laughing. It is hard to be with your child when he is crying, though his needs have been met, and he won’t sleep, or he keeps hitting himself in the face and crying about it. Those are hard. And dealing with them, moving through them, learning from them. That’s where parents are made.
Henry’s surgery was last week. It went brilliantly. Dealing with a baby coming out of anesthesia is an experience I would not recommend. It is difficult to explain to a baby why he feels so weird. It is difficult for a baby to communicate that he feels weird other than crying. So… crying is what we did for 8 hours after surgery. To the point where Allen and I were convinced he was sore or even hurting. Our hearts were breaking as we carried him around the house endlessly. My arms stung under the weight of Henry after 8 hours. Then, about 7:30 that night, as if a flip was switched, our sweet, smiley, happy baby emerged from the haze. It started with a smile. The sitting up and laughing. Then when I changed his diaper he flailed like his life depended on it for a good 15 minutes while squawking and smiling. We even went out for a walk that night. The change was crazy fast, and we were so excited to have the young man back.
Funny note about surgery – the nurses had trouble placing Henry’s IV. They tried 4 times before getting it. Thankfully, he was under at that point and Allen and I were not present or this would have been a whole lot less funny. The reason given for IV trouble: Henry is “fluffly.” Allen and I laughed so hard. And now we continue to call our chubby boy fluffy. Pictures to follow demonstrating the fluff.
I’ve been back at work for about a month now. Being a working mom isn’t quite what I expected. I so thoroughly enjoy being at work and using my brain for work things, but about 3:00pm every day I get this nagging “GO GET HIM!” voice. When we pick him up from daycare he is usually so tired because he doesn’t nap well (and who would with all those other kids to play with and such fabulous toys to look at and shove into your mouth). This means he is either cranky and/or sleeps until 6:30 or 7:00. Then he goes to bed at 8:00. I don’t like to think about how little time I actually SEE him a day, but instead focus on making the time I am with him quality. His tiredness is getting better the more and more he adjusts to daycare, but it still isn’t great. I know that as he gets older it will get better and we’ll get to play with him more before bed time. Like all things, this is a phase. And we’ll just make the most of it while we can.
I didn’t think that I’d NEED to see him the way I do. I pretty much speed like crazy to get to him and am generally cranky until the boy is in our care. And this has nothing to do with his daycare, which I love. They treat him exceptionally well. Spoil him even. We get a daily report about his every activity, including his temperament. I love that nearly every day he is described as happy, cuddly, and vocal. The boy does like to chat. If he is awake, he’s usually making some kind of noise. It’s pretty darn adorable.
Anyway, working and daycare make the weekends particularly heavenly. Even on days like today when naps are difficult.
A general crazy life update: On the day of Henry’s surgery, we received a note from our Realtor that she had a buyer looking for a house in our neighborhood in our price range and would we be interested in showing the house to them. This terrified us. The house was not ready for people to view it! We have half painted walls, it is cluttered, messy (keep a house clean with a baby? HA!), Henry had just had surgery. We were not planning to sell this year, but rather rent it out and sell is next spring. But, we figured we had nothing to lose. We took the following day off of work and cleaned like crazy to prep for the showing, about 24 hours after we learned of the interested buyer. The showing went well, the buyers came back on Saturday. They made us an offer that we accepted on Sunday. And today we had our inspection. So, it looks like come July 25th we will be homeless and moving SOMEWHERE. We just don’t know where. I had a 4th interview for my dream job on Thursday. If that job works out, we will move home to Minnesota (insert raucous shouts, clapping, and general calamity). If that job does not work out, we will stay in Lawrence and move into temporary housing until, likely, December. Life is crazy. We are excited about the future, but uncertainty with the house, where we will move, and finding new jobs, while juggling raising a little human is a bit overwhelming for even the most even keeled of folk (and I would never really describe myself as even keeled).
To the crazy, wonderful, unpredictable future!