I admit it. I have a problem. I am a control freak. I have been since about junior year of college. I’m not sure what happened that year that caused me to go from average regular lady to hyper productive control freak, but it happened. Mostly, it serves me well. It has taken me far in my career and ensures that vacations are well planned and organized. However, it is biting me in the ass big time right now.
Right now it is causing me to refuse help when I need it. To not take advice that is well meaning (and likely good). To hover. To hold my arms out halfway from my body to be at the ready for any bad thing that might happen to Henry if he isn’t in my arms. To watch others holding Henry like a hawk. Even Allen. To drive everyone around me nuts.
I can see it happening. I see the crash happening before my eyes and there is time to stop it and I don’t.
Breathe. BREATHE. Henry is okay if he isn’t in your arms. Allen has Henry’s best interest at heart. And if Allen wipes Henry’s butt ever so slightly differently than me, that is okay. THAT. IS. OKAY. I am not sure how to etch those words in my brain. I am trying. I am really really trying. But I am failing.
If you have advice on letting go, I sure would be happy to hear it. Allen (and others around me) would sure be happy if I actually took your advice to heart.
It is hard. I’ve been doing this mom things for 22 days and clearly I think I am more of an expert than anyone else.
I am pretty sure I would be happier at 4:30 in the morning if I just woke up Allen and said “Henry is wide awake and I need to sleep so can you please take him?” but instead I suffer because I worry about burdening him and what if he doesn’t do things just exactly like I would do them?
Everything would be fine. That’s what would happen.
Pull it together, lady. You’ve got people that love you and want to help – let it happen.